Are you self-compassionate or self-critical?

In my world, thoughts like, “You should have done that better”, “How could you have done that so poorly” and “You are never going to be good enough” make cameo appearances on any given day and at any given moment. I wonder if similar thoughts haunt you too?

We like to take pride in being a good friend, parent or spouse – but at the end of the day, we fall short at being good to ourselves. We may be a good friend that offers a non-judgmental listening ear. We may be a good parent that is supportive of our kids. We may be a good, encouraging spouse. All of those things are wonderful; yet, at the end of day – how much of that kind and compassionate treatment are we giving to ourselves?

If we took an honest inventory on how we care for and respond to those we love when they fall short, versus how we care for and respond to ourselves when we fall short – my guess is that it looks different. For example, when a spouse misses an important deadline at work versus when we miss an important deadline at work. Or when a friend isn’t losing the weight that he or she wants to, versus when we aren’t losing the weight that we want to.

The truth is this. You are just as important, lovable and valuable as the people that you care about. You are worth being cared for, not only by others, but by yourself as well. You can choose to be kind to yourself in the same way that you choose to be kind to others. Let’s start here, together.

Four steps to practicing self-compassion:

Identify and write down the negative self-talk that you tell yourself when you fall short. These will likely be short, pointed sentences.
Close your eyes and imagine someone that you love falling short in the same way. Write down the encouraging statement that you would tell them.
Take some time processing the differences.
Allow yourself to tell yourself the same compassionate and encouraging statements that you would tell a loved one.

Here at The Fountains Counseling Center, we would enjoy the oppurtinity to explore with you and identify some reasons you might lean toward self-criticism. We would love to hear your story and walk beside you on this journey towards healing and wholeness.

Adapted from The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Neff/Germer

To book a session Click Here or call 682-207-4824.

Author

Roxanne Kirk, M.A., LPC-Associate
Supervised by R. Bartee, PhD, LPC-S, LMFT-S