Suicide Prevention - Creating a Safety Plan

Suicide Prevention - Creating a Safety Plan

Suicide is one of the main causes of death throughout the world. To put the global crisis

into perspective, more than 720,000 people die due to suicide each year. Many societies

and cultures find discussing suicide inappropriate and taboo. How are we supposed to

prevent something that is truly a public health problem without open discussion and

awareness?

There is no one reason for suicide. It is multi-faceted, influenced by social, cultural,

biological, psychological, and environmental factors present across the life-course. So

what can we do to prevent it and other self-harming behaviors?

Below is a list of effective evidence- based interventions:

• limit access to the means of suicide (e.g. pesticides, firearms, certain medications);

• interact with the media for responsible reporting of suicide;

• foster socio-emotional life skills in adolescents; and

• early identify, assess, manage and follow up anyone who is affected by suicidal

behaviors.

These statistics are from https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/suicide

Please visit this link for more information.

As a Mental Health Clinician, I learned about the importance of openly discussing suicidal

ideation and accessing proper level of care for clients, even if it means referring client to a

higher level of care. My client's safety and well-being is always my top priority.

I also learned the importance of creating a Safety Plan with clients, whether the client has

ever had suicidal thoughts, self-harmed, or not. I think these statistics speak for

themselves. These documents provide several tools personal to the client to use when an

episode occurs to keep them safe. Safety Plans were originally called Suicide Contracts,

as they served as a written agreement between client and clinician that they have agreed to

this plan when in crisis and will not act upon their impulses while receiving treatment from

their therapist. It has evidence-based results to lower rates of suicide and self-harming

behaviors. Everyone should have a Safety Plan to know what can be done when they are in

a low point in life. Please see Safety Plan below to complete and share with whoever may

benefit from it. We never know when a crisis will occur.

(CLICK TFCC SAFETY PLAN TO OPEN)

What if you struggle with coming up with a Support Person?

I would challenge you to get creative, think outside the box, and address barriers. Maybe

brainstorm someone that cares about your safety, even if you don't get along well. I've completed

these plans with all kinds of individuals, various ages, through all walks of life.

I’ve seen kiddos be creative and write down a household pet, imaginary friend, or even a

comfort item that make them feel calm and safe. At the end of the day, it is YOUR Safety

Plan, so emergency numbers can be used if need be. But I would encourage you to revisit

this section with time to see if you can add more resources.

This should be treated as an ever-changing document. We will change and grow, especially

when receiving psychotherapy and working towards goals. As such, our warning signs and

coping skills will change as we start to become more Intune with ourselves.

If you have a struggle in your life that you are carrying alone and would like someone to listen to

your story, or you would like help with your prevention plan, we have a team of trained professional

counselors that would love to be a supportive outlet for you.

Author

Sarah Daniel, MA, LMFT

Self Esteem

Self-Esteem: Why is it Important and How to Improve It

So what exactly is self-esteem? Self-esteem is used interchangeably with the term Self-

Confidence many times. When I learned about Self-Esteem in graduate school to become

a Clinical Counselor, I learned a cool way to gauge a person’s self-esteem. A person with

low self-esteem would fail a test and internally think thoughts such as “I failed; therefore, I

am bad,” while an individual with high self-esteem would internally think “I did poorly on

the test because I didn’t study” and it does not affect their self-worth. Depending on how

you answered this question- you may benefit from Self-Esteem Counseling.

This type of work in therapy is going to be very personal to you as an individual. I find that

going back into a person’s past can help determine where a person’s confidence started to

tarnish. How we are treated as children very much determines how we think, act, and

perceive the world. This is why it is so important that children are taught by their caregivers

and teachers with constructive criticism so that they can understand when they do poorly

on something, that simply means they need more practice, and it does not determine who

they are as a person.

Some therapy techniques that are research-based and shown to help build self-esteem are Cognitive Behavioral therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT),

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Inner Child Work, Spirituality, Bowenian Family

Therapy, etc. The individual will essentially learn how to become aware of their inner critic

and how to disarm them. I use the analogy of learning to not bully yourself but be a hype-

man for yourself often. Because at the end of the day, if we cannot be in our own corner

how can we expect to be able to be there for another?

If you feel you may benefit from Self-Esteem counseling, allow us at The Fountains Counseling Center to come alongside you to help you see the strong, unique, and beautiful person that you are.

Author

Sarah Wesley, MACC, LMFT-A

Supervised by R. Bartee, PhD, LPC-S, LMFT-S

Finding Balance

Life OR Death?

Restraint OR Freedom?

Peace OR Conflict? 

If I were to ask you to select one word out of each phrase above (just your gut reaction), which one would you pick? If you are like most people, you would probably choose the word in each pair that seems more positive (Life, Freedom, & Peace!). Of course, who wouldn’t want these things?! In all of these word pairs, these words each seem to be in conflict with each other. But in actuality, they can BOTH be true. Let me explain…

Our country just had its birthday on July 4th and this holiday illustrates this idea perfectly.

Without our American soldiers’ “voluntary” deaths, we would not have the ability to enjoy Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness in the USA. Without our veterans’ and soldiers’ Restraint (comforts, physical discipline of their bodies, being away from their families), we would not have our Freedoms of speech and worship. And without Conflict through battles/wars, we would not have the ability to enjoy times of Peace. Thus, in reality, this July we celebrate and honor BOTH:

Life AND Death

Restraint AND Freedom

Peace AND Conflict 

In our daily lives, we often shortchange ourselves with a similar kind of black-and-white thinking as above. When it comes to hurtful relationships, we may ask ourselves, “Should I forgive this person OR cut him/her out of my life?” Additionally, a well-meaning friend could tell you “It was not okay for that person to treat you disrespectfully BUT you have to forgive him/her and just accept that this is the way he/she is.” (This advice implies that the hurt was not bad enough to justify change/confrontation. And this also puts you in the position of victim.)  

Indeed, when we connect these opposite phrases with OR or BUT, it implies that one value is more important than the other—very much like unbalanced scales:

Yet, when we allow ourselves to consider what appear to be contradictory ideas at the same time, we can validate the pain/injustice of the situation AND find a way to create change that is inside our control. This is because it allows BOTH sides of the scale to matter equally. One side of the scale is not more important than the other. Let’s put this principle to the test…

Here are some practical things you can tell yourself in the areas of:

Relationships:

I can choose to forgive someone who continues to hurt me AND choose not to trust them.

I can forgive AND stay in a relationship where a person apologizes, makes changes, and treats me with respect.

I can forgive AND end a relationship that continues not to be healthy or respectful.

I can forgive AND still have boundaries.

I can disagree with someone AND still understand his/her perspective.

Fear/Anxiety:

I can be afraid AND act courageously.

I can be scared AND take action to protect myself, while facing my fears.

I can recognize the danger/size of my enemy AND be at peace, knowing that God is with me.

I can accept that I am out of control in this aspect of my life AND realize I am not out of control in another area.

Loss/Grief:

I can feel disappointment that my dream was not realized AND can create a new dream.

I can grieve AND still choose to live.

I can cry AND laugh.

Anger:

I can be angry AND kind.

Emotional or Spiritual Abuse:

I can forgive a past leader who abused his/her authority AND choose not to follow that individual anymore.

I can understand why someone abused others (when I know his/her story) AND still expose the injustice or confront it to prevent it from happening again.

Spiritual Confusion/Anger:

I can dislike what God is doing/not doing right now AND trust Him anyway.

Would you consider taking some time today to ask yourself where you are feeling trapped, devalued, or anxious and practice this principle?:  I can _________ AND still _________. Then notice how this realization affects your emotions. It is my hope and prayer that you will find peace and clarity as you begin to see your specific situation in balance!

Still stuck? Reach out to a counselor at The Fountains Counseling. We would consider it an honor to walk with you on your journey toward emotional freedom!

*Posted additionally at www.lost-found-counseling.com

Author

Jennifer Cranford, MA, LPC

Secret Struggles

Having overwhelming feelings or thoughts that consume you is exhausting and can impact daily functioning in a very negative way. When that feeling stems from a situation or circumstance that you don’t feel safe or comfortable talking about with friends or family, those feelings can become too much to handle alone. Talking to a counselor, who is confidential and there to support you, might be just what you need.

It could be an intimate relationship issue, personal health journey, complicated family situations, identity or sexuality journey, parenting struggles, religious trauma, abuse, etc.

All these circumstances are truly unique to you and very personal. Processing your journey and having a safe and judgement free space to do so allows freedom from those emotions and thoughts. And with that freedom comes a higher and more positive level of functioning in your life.

Counseling can be a tool that is used by an individual to express their thoughts on a topic that they need to get off their chest but are too nervous, scared, or unsure of how someone else will perceive them or judge their situation.

A young couple struggling with fertility, a husband who just lost his wife to cancer, a son who has an alcoholic father, a couple that is unsure how to fix their relationship after infidelity, a girl who is scared to tell her mom that she was abused at a party. A teenager unsure of what they want to do after high school with fear of disappointing parents.

Having any of these situations happen is stressful, but when the person in the situation is alone, without any emotional support, it can be detrimental. If you have a struggle in your life that you are carrying alone and would like someone to listen to your story, we have a team of trained, professional, licensed counselors that would love to be a supportive outlet for you.

Author

Emily Horton, MS, LPC-Associate

Supervised by R. Bartee, PhD, LPC-S, LMFT-S

Marriage/Relationship Transition

According to Merriam-Websters Dictionary, transition means, "a change or shift from one state, subject, place, etc. to another." In relationships, like dating or marriage, several transitions will take place. The most romantic season is upon us. It's a popular season for engagements, wedding planning, and vow renewals to take place. These events will impact each individual and the relationship as they move from one state into a deeper relationship phase. Along with the romantic aspect of transitions, there are other transitions you may face such as parenthood, blending families or a career change. Throughout all forms of transition, it is normal to experience excitement as well as some anxiety or difficulty with change.

All aspects of transitioning takes thought, planning and a lot of communication. Transitions, no matter how exciting, can be bumpy and not play out as well as you had hoped. If you are in a transition period or you are just wanting to improve your communication skills; working with a couples counselor may be something to consider. 

Years ago, when transitioning from fiance to wife, I found myself suffering from stress and anxiety. Our communication styles were different from one another. It was at this point that we sought the help of a professional counselor to assist us in learning to pause and truly hear each other. We learned helpful techniques in letting our guard down and working together as a team.  

Counseling is for all stages of marriage and/or relationships... the good, the challenging times, and the not so good. We are here to assist you in strengthening your relationship and in becoming the partners you aim to be.

Give The Fountains Counseling Center a call today or click below to book an initial session with one of our couples counselors.  Jessica and Sarah look forward to hearing from you.  

Author

Jessica Godfrey, MS, LPC-Associate

Supervised by R. Bartee, PhD, LPC-S, LMFT-S

Benefits of Family Therapy

Have you ever looked at a person and thought, “How did this person come to be?” Where did they acquire these traits, personality, way of viewing the world, etc.? Most of us have heard the age-old argument of “Nature vs. Nurture.” Which is more important? The truth is both are extremely influential and important in the case of human development.

People become who they are largely based on how their family shaped them. Think about your own family now. I want you to even think about your family tree. What do you know about your grandparents and what they went through? The image below is a Genogram. I often create these in session with my clients.

Everything can be charted on a Genogram to have a map of a person’s family, such as death, divorce, abandonment, mental illness, alcoholism, you name it. Once everything is charted and you get to look at the map of your life, it can be eye-opening. What patterns do you see? What has bled through the generations? Most people find a mix of negative and positive traits that have trickled down over the years. Now you get to decide what you want to trickle down and what kind of “generational curses” you don’t want to pass onto the generations that follow you.

Family Therapy can provide a wide array of benefits such as:

• Increased understanding: Family therapy helps individuals understand their family members' perspectives, feelings, and experiences, leading to a deeper level of understanding and empathy.

• Improved communication: Family therapy provides a safe and structured environment for family members to communicate with one another and learn better communication skills.

• Strengthened family bonds: By working through challenges together and learning new ways of interacting with one another, family therapy can help strengthen the bonds between family members.

• Increased coping skills: Family therapy can provide individuals and families with the skills needed to better cope with stress, anxiety, and other mental health issues.

• Reduced conflict: Family therapy helps family members resolve conflicts in a positive and constructive way, reducing the frequency and intensity of future conflicts.

What does family therapy look like? It is natural to picture an entire family attending therapy together, but that is not always the case. It may also look like a father and child, mother and child, siblings, or an individual seeking to better understand their family members’ perspectives.

Overall, family therapy can help individuals and families to improve their relationships, increase their sense of well-being, and find solutions to the challenges they face. If you feel you or your family may benefit from therapy, we believe there is hope and we are here to help. You may call to set up an appointment or self-book at a time that works for you. I am excited to work with you and your family.

Author

Sarah Daniel, MACC, LMFT-A

Supervised by R. Bartee, PhD, LPC-S, LMFT-S

New Beginnings

As one year ends and another year begins, I am reminded of the opportunity of new beginnings. Merriam Webster’s dictionary defines beginning as “the point at which something starts.” Thus, meaning new beginnings could be defined as a new start. We may all be able to relate to the hustle and bustle of the new year and all the resolutions we have chosen for ourselves. Some could be heartfelt while others are merely challenges from others to keep up appearances. Either way, the good, bad, and the ugly can come to play.  

New beginnings can be filled with excitement, new opportunities to get things right, or to do better. They can also be filled with contempt, anxiety, and stress. Was the resolution to go to the gym to help with your physical and mental health, or was it to impress someone? Was the resolution to keep your house spick and span all week long an attempt at perfection? Was the resolution to be a more well-rounded person, at the sake of your time with family and belief system the true goal? I know from experience that I had well-meaning thoughts, but most of my resolutions did not drive me to success, they drove me into the ground. I had a hard time with follow through because I was not realistic in what I was needing in my life at that moment. I was looking around me to see what others were doing and became overwhelmed and chose so many things to work on that by March or April, my resolutions had all but failed.

I felt defeated, I felt embarrassed, I felt wounded, and I felt less than. My anxiety had risen, my depression had deepened, my self-esteem had plummeted, and I felt contempt for myself. I was not focused on what or who I needed to be focused on. I was looking around versus being able to recognize the true purpose that was intended for me. My new beginnings had nothing to do with others, it had everything to do with me. I had to face what I was truly afraid of and work on myself. I had to go into the depths of myself and truly see who I was, where I had been, and where I was going. My new beginning couldn’t begin without it. I had to face hard truths, my fears and doubts, my mistakes, my anxieties and depression, and my self-esteem. I had to create resolutions one at a time that allowed me to grow into a healthy woman of God and a well-rounded woman.

Through counseling, prayer, and insight, I was able to get the help that I needed. At The Fountains Counseling Center, we are here to help bring focus to your new year so you can have the best new beginnings for your life. If you are looking for help, you may call or email for an appointment with one of our counselors.

Author

Jessica Godfrey, MS, LPC-Associate

Supervised by R. Bartee, PhD, LPC-S, LMFT-S

The Ghost of Christmas Past

For many people the holiday season conjures up images of warmth and joy, expectation and wonder, and celebration of faith and family.  But for others, the arrival of the holiday season is a startling reminder of the loss of a treasure that they can never get back. Now this might sound like I am referring to the death of a loved one, and that can certainly be true, but it can also be the loss of something far less visible—a treasure that is there in memories of Christmas Past but is no longer there in Christmas Present.

Perhaps it is a loss of a dream for what you thought your future (or a loved one’s) would look like. Or a loss of independence you once had. A loss of your identity or loss of a role. A loss of faith. A loss of a marriage or a close relationship. A loss of health. A loss of a career. A loss of financial security. A loss of your reputation. A loss of innocence or hope…  The list goes on; you fill in the blank.

Christmas, more than any other holiday, has the ability to remind us of the rhythm of life that thrums on whether we like it or not. The Christmas tree is the same, but we are changed, and so is everyone around us.

This ache of the soul is one that only those who have tasted great happiness (and then lost it) can understand.  We are wired by our Creator to experience great joy and pleasure from His good gifts. But with that same capacity to love and feel joy, we also have the capacity for great suffering when we lose the gift that we so cherished.

Much like Ebeneezer Scrooge in Charles Dickens’ classic tale “A Christmas Carol”, regrets from (or longings for) Christmas Past can rob us of the ability to enjoy Christmas Present. And while it might feel counterintuitive (because we, by nature, will do anything to avoid pain), the healing for our souls often comes from willingly entering the pain, rather than fighting it.  After all, when we deny those tender places of our soul through distraction and “self-medication”, we are simply delaying our suffering (and adding to it!).

With that delay, we experience many symptoms of grief, while our emotions are hopelessly tangled like strands of Christmas lights.  Among these symptoms of grief are emptiness, helplessness, stress, fear, anger, loneliness, guilt, exhaustion or lethargy, addiction, ‘brain fog’ or feeling disoriented, unforgiveness, chronic pain, regret, bitterness…

Now we know that salt on a wound stings, but we endure its sharpness for a time because it cleanses the wound and begins the healing process.  But how do we do this for our souls?  This may be a place for you to start:

-Name the ‘hidden’ or unrecognized things that you have lost. This helps to blow away the fog and “untangle” the emotions. It also gives dignity to your suffering. Use the list above if you need help getting started or consider one of the book resources below.

-Talk to God, a trusted friend or counselor, or others in a faith community about what you have lost and how this loss has affected you. Give voice to your questions and express your confusion or anger.  Suffering is not meant to be endured alone.  Chances are, someone else can relate to your story in some way. And sitting with someone while they are suffering is a tangible expression of God With Us, Emmanuel, the very message of Christmas.

-Give yourself space and time to mourn (but not all at once). Consider picking a time and place for this purpose on a regular basis during your season of grieving. If you are afraid that you will lose yourself in your pain, set a timer or schedule another activity as a bookend on your time designated for grieving. You do not have to grieve all at once, nor are you able to do so. You are simply dedicating time for the purpose of honoring your loss.

-Grieve using your body and not just your mind. Lament through painting, music, dance, writing, building or carving something, creating a collage of photos or mementos, or other productive types of movement--and yes, crying or even screaming -- to release the physical pressure of your pain.  Bottom line, give yourself a tangible way to express the ache of your soul.

-Find others who are suffering and do something to ease their pain. Perhaps it is through meeting a practical need of a meal or childcare or through volunteering.  Or maybe it is through being a listening ear as they share their story with you.  The paradox is that though they share their load with you, your burden becomes lighter through serving, rather than heavier, and theirs does as well.

-Give yourself permission to live again (but at a slower pace) and experience pleasure and wonder from the everyday gifts you have in the present. This does not mean you stop grieving. But you can also choose to live, in spite of your pain. Joy and lament are different sides of the same coin—and your capacity to feel both pleasure and pain.  This is truly living and we cannot have one without the other.

And like Ebeneezer Scrooge, you may be surprised at how much freer you are to feel happiness again, when you are not running from the pain of the past but embracing it as part of your story. And in turn, you may even give yourself (and others) the gift of Christmas Future.

For more guidance on your healing journey from a spiritual perspective of a fellow sufferer, try reading “It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way” by Lysa TerKeurst or “A Grace Disguised” by Jerry Sittser.  Or reach out to a counselor at The Fountains Counseling. We would consider it an honor to walk with you on your journey.

--Jennifer Cranford

*Posted additionally at www.lost-found-counseling.com

Author

Jennifer Cranford, MA, LPC

Learn to Love the Sky You’re Under

Imagine you are a mom of three with your children growing up and moving out of the house. For all of their childhood, you have remained at home, raising them until one day, one by one, they leave the nest. That is supposed to happen. That is supposed to be easy and joyous. But sadness remains.

Now imagine you are a college student and have spent the last three years working hard on a college degree. You are finally at the end and it’s time to go into the workforce. You are leaving your safety net and structure behind. You are supposed to feel proud and excited. But fear remains.

Lastly, imagine you are an intern and have been interning at a location you have fallen in love with.  The people you work with, the population you serve, the atmosphere is where you feel comfortable. You look forward to work everyday but dread the end date. You are supposed to be eager for the ending of your internship so your career can begin. But anxiety remains.

Each of the events is a major transition in someone’s life. With major transitions come an overwhelming amount of emotions, both positive and negative. Most people try to avoid the negative emotions and rush through the transition to get to the other side.

However, when we learn to love the sky we are under, we are able to truly appreciate what we are feeling during a transition. We are able to learn and grow in these moments versus rushing through and hoping it all goes away. The mom can appreciate what she has taught her children while learning to walk through her sadness of becoming an empty nester. The college student can appreciate all they have learned while they cope with their fear of leaving a structured setting. The intern can appreciate all they have learned while working through the anxiety they feel of starting their new job. Each transition has something the individual can learn from if they choose to slow down and allow themselves the time to process.

Naturally, we want to rush from one event to the other versus sitting with the transition. Transitions are scary and uncomfortable. They can make us feel insecure and take us out of our comfort zone. At times, transitions completely alter our way of life.

If you find yourself in a transition and struggling, the counselors at The Fountains Counseling Center would love to come alongside you to help you learn to love the sky you’re under.

Author

Jessica Godfrey, MS, LPC-Associate

Supervised by R. Bartee, PhD, LPC-S, LMFT-S

Self-Esteem & Flaws

We all have them. Those moments of weakness when we pick at every flaw we have. I know for myself, I used to struggle with my self-esteem. I compared myself to others, their looks, and their success. I never allowed myself to measure up because I never saw the best in myself. I always saw the worst in me and was determined to change it. However, that only left me feeling defeated and tired.

            I was worn out from only seeing the negative aspects of myself, my flaws. I no longer saw myself as a whole person. My thoughts were negative and were spiraling downward.

This poem resonated with me, my thoughts, and my feelings:

Looking in the mirror seeing every flaw

   wondering why I have this all

Why can’t I look like that girl

Why can’t I be that tall

Why do I have to walk with a limp

Why to a mole on my lip

Why don’t they like me the way they like her

Why do I care so much

Why does it hurt

I want to be brave

I want to be bold

I want to love myself

   and the way I was made

But how do I do that

How does that go

Help me love myself

Help me grow

-       Author Unknown 

Sometimes we just find ourselves in the endless cycles; destructive loops that are difficult to get away from. Low self-esteem shows itself in a variety of ways depending on the individual. It can have devastating effects that causes an individual to feel isolated and alone. At The Fountains Fellowship Counseling Center, allow us to come alongside you to help you see the strong, unique, and beautiful person that you are.

Author

Jessica Godfrey, MS, LPC-Associate

Supervised by R. Bartee, PhD, LPC-S, LMFT-S

When is the right time to go to therapy?

Therapy can help a person handle constant worry, anger, sadness, or other undesired emotions or thoughts.

Therapy can help a person cope with a stressful job.

Therapy can help a person heal from childhood trauma.

Therapy can help a person who has a bad relationship with a parent.

Therapy can help a person who is overwhelmed and doesn’t know why.

Therapy can help restore a struggling marriage.

Is there a certain age or life circumstance that qualifies someone for therapy? Does something bad have to happen before I can go talk to someone? What if I don’t have something specific in mind that I want to talk about?

All these questions have the same answer, no. Any person can go to counseling at any time, for any reason. And not only can any individual attend counseling at any period during their life, but they can also benefit from it!

Children, as young as 5 years old, can build confidence, become more responsible for their behaviors, develop problem solving skills and strategies, and learn to express their emotions, all in a safe place, through play therapy. Counseling littles looks different than the typical session in an office space. Kids get to experience therapy through a play therapy room, which is a specific place that is filled with explorative and expressive therapy toys. The counselor can utilize the child’s interactions with the therapy room to benefit the child in a therapeutic way. The child comes in and gets to play and be themselves all without realizing that counseling is taking place.

Older children and adolescents can benefit from counseling as well. Building confidence while also having a safe place to express themselves is very beneficial during those transitional years of puberty. While playing with toys is a little too immature for kids this age, and traditional counseling might be intimidating, there is an in-between where the counselor can utilize games and art activities to meet the specific needs of the child. Talking in not always easy, so having an activity can help that older age child explore their emotions and situations in a comfortable way. Kids at this age sometimes find it hard to be open with their friends out of fear being embarrassed and might not confide in their parents out of fear. Counseling is the safe space for preteens and teens to think through the difficult emotions that they are experiencing in their ever-changing life.

Adults can utilize therapy during any stage of life. Young adults that are transitioning to a new life or job role, which can be intimidating. Graduations, college, moving out, starting a career, starting a family, are all very large topics. These topics, your hopes and dreams, the insecurities and fears, are all things that can be addressed in therapy. Middle aged adults can talk about life change, their kids getting older, self-fulfillment through a career, spiritual development, and relationships. Older adults can cover all these topics and more, life reflection which can come with regrets or sadness. Other life changes like getting into a new relationship, improving a current relationship, or healing from a past relationship are things that individuals can also talk about in therapy. Coping skills for anxiety, stress, anger, sadness, and being overwhelmed are things that can be learned through therapy. Having the space to process allows our brains to slow down and really digest emotions which can lead to solutions and realizations that were hidden before. Therapy is all about taking the time to invest in yourself in an emotional way.

Couples can work on communication skills, being able to have difficult conversations in a beneficial, healthy way. Learning about each other on a deeper level and using that to strengthen the relationship. Knowing how to communicate emotions while feeling safe and respected. Everyone knows relationships are hard, let us help you on your journey to a better version of you.

There is not a wrong time or wrong reason to come see a counselor, we can talk about anything and everything. Whether you just started a new job and are feeling overwhelmed or just got a life-altering diagnosis, therapy is a safe place for you to process your thoughts and emotions with the help of a qualified counselor. Visit our booking page or call to get connected today, and pass this information on if you know someone who needs someone to talk to. We are here to help.

Author

Emily Horton, MS, LPC-Associate

Supervised by R. Bartee, PhD, LPC-S, LMFT-S

Fighting Fair

We have all been there, in a heated argument with our spouse or loved one. In the moment we are thinking about getting our point across and making them understand how we feel, what we see, and to come to our side. In this scenario, there is always a winner and always a loser. Is that truly the goal you have set out to do? Have you truly set out to beat your partner, the person you love the most?  

Do these statements sound familiar in your arguments: “It’s your fault!” “We need to talk about this right now!” “You never listen to me!”

There is a better way. Here are a few things you will learn with fighting fair:

·      Communication: One of the most important aspects of any relationship

·      Listen: How to listen and hear your loved one

·      Share: How to speak what you are feeling and thinking lovingly and honestly

·      Compromise: How to work together to agree on any given topic

·      Safe Space: How to create a safe space for both of you to share openly

There are many benefits to fighting fair. Once my husband and I learned to stop shutting one another out and we began to fight fair, our relationship deepened. We learned how to consider each others needs and truly hear them. Conflict will not be erased through fighting fair, but it can be managed in such a way that allows both individuals to feel heard and validated.

Here at The Fountains Counseling Center, we would enjoy the opportunity to help you learn to fight fair and strengthen your relationship. Fighting fair could be hard, but we would love the opportunity to come along side you and support you on your journey.

Author

Jessica Godfrey, MS, LPC-Associate

Supervised by R. Bartee, PhD, LPC-S, LMFT-S

Merge! Ready or Not?!

There is a particular entrance on a highway near me that I avoid like the plague. Due to construction, and high congestion in this area, there is a very short ramp before a cement wall forces a driver to merge with traffic, ready or not. Once merged, the driver is funneled with many other drivers at high speed to weave between construction barrels on a path that is unclear, given the changing stripe patterns. Depending on the time of day and angle of the sun, the drive can be even more treacherous. There is no margin for error.

Our American schedules can feel a lot like that construction entrance. We are hemmed in by school calendars, work hours, kids’ extracurricular events, and unexpected crises like plumbing emergencies or funerals, and we have very little time left that is “unspoken for”.

It is no wonder that we find ourselves short-tempered and edgy when we feel we have so little control over our lives—especially when dealing with last minute changes, unexpected loss, or trauma.

I had a period of about two weeks recently that felt like this construction entrance, due to some factors out of my control. It was no surprise that I began to experience some physical and emotional symptoms of exhaustion. As a new week was about to begin, I got ready to buckle down to make it until the next weekend, when I realized I had a choice. I intentionally scheduled one afternoon for the express purpose of recovery—physically, emotionally, and mentally. I went alone to a restaurant with a porch on a beautiful spring day to enjoy some of my favorite food. As I ate, I allowed myself to process the events of the week and name the emotions I had felt that week. I was surprised to realize how deeply my emotions ran as I gave myself the space to think and reflect. I went home for a nap and then went for a hike to let my mind continue to wander. I felt amazingly refreshed after that afternoon, when hours before I had felt so tightly wound.

How could a mere five hours make that big of a difference in my mental and physical state? I think the key was not what I did, but that I created a MARGIN in my schedule that week— a space of Quiet to pause and reflect.

Each of us have different activities that feed the soul and likely your afternoon would be much different than mine.

As summer arrives, this conversation is especially timely. What do you (and even your children/teens!) need for margin to process the events and emotions of the past several weeks or months? Before you fill up every block on your summer calendar, CHOOSE to schedule margin between key events to allow you and your children to “buffer”. Avoid filling it with electronics and “goal-driven activities”. Create true downtime, and quiet time for your mind to wander.

In case this sounds intimidating, here are some ideas to get you started: watercolor paint, journal, work in the flowerbeds/garden, ride a bike or go for a walk, take a bubble bath, swing in a hammock, go hit golf balls, go fishing, sculpt something out of sand…

Or on a smaller scale, consider using your commute from/to work or school as buffering time for your mind. Turn off your car radio and silence your phone and allow your mind simply to wander as you gently transition into the next phase of your day/evening. 

For some who read this, this call to rest sounds like a blessed invitation. For others, this idea of rest makes sense, but it also evokes fear— But what will happen if I slow down? Perhaps busyness and urgency as a way of life has defined you and the sense of being needed has become your identity. Or perhaps the idea of quiet feels threatening because you are accustomed to the chaos and fear what you may find. If any of this describes you, please consider that you may need the help of a counselor to explore your fears or identity, and to support you as you learn to “buffer” and create a new healthy rhythm of life.

God has created your body and mind to heal itself with rest. (Think of Psalm 23, or the Sabbath.) Just like a video or song on your phone sometimes needs to buffer, so do you. What if you gave in to the call to rest?

If you find yourself struggling with this and feel that you need assistance, any of our licensed counselors at The Fountains Counseling Center are ready and willing to walk alongside you as you work toward this goal.

Author

Jennifer Cranford, MA, LPC Associate
Supervised by J. Scott Floyd, Ph.D, LPC-S

Winter Blues or Depression?

Winter Blues or Depression?  In this blog one of our counselors goes into detail for those that may be struggling with or know someone that is dealing with.

For many, it is common to experience a sense of the “Winter blues” after the letdown of the holidays as the gray skies of January and February settle in.  But for others, a sense of heaviness and darkness may be a more pervasive cloud that doesn’t lift.  For those whose personalities more easily bounce back from sadness, this can be a very confusing dynamic to understand.

Depression has several variations from a diagnostic perspective, but some elements are the same—a sense of prolonged hopelessness, lack of purpose, a feeling of being trapped, isolation, lack of energy, and lack of interest in things that usually bring a person pleasure.  Simply put, depression is a black hole that sucks life out of the soul.  It has a gravity of its own that threatens to pull not only the person with depression into its abyss, but those around it as well.

As frightening as this sounds, the answer to helping those with depression is counterintuitive. You don’t fight it.  Depression is a natural, biological response to grief—what was important and valuable has been lost. But contrary to what many may think, it is not always as a result of loss of a loved one, but often loss of something much less observable—maybe a dream, a role or identity, a season of life, a community/culture, or even a lifestyle.  Depression, like other emotions, has a purpose.  Its job is to give a person time and space to honor the wound left behind by the loss and allow for reflection and “recalibration”. 

It's tempting to want to rush this grieving process, but if you’ve ever tried to “make” someone feel better prematurely, it’s like trying to pull someone out of quicksand.  The more you tug and pull, the deeper the person seems to sink.

So what does tugging or pulling look like?  Telling a person that he/she “shouldn’t feel depressed because….” (thus minimizing the pain), using phrases like “at least you didn’t…” (also minimizing), giving unwanted/premature advice about how to feel better, telling a person that “it’s time to stop feeling sad”, or even telling someone it’s not spiritual to be depressed and to “just trust God” are all unhelpful responses. (On a side note, one of the greatest prophets in the Bible, Elijah, struggled with depression!)

So what can you do for your loved one?  Be physically present. Listen. Offer a hug if wanted. Give a thoughtful gift. Send a funny meme.  In short, be there.  Communicate in some way that you are sorry that your loved one is hurting and that you are there if he/she wants to talk. 

For many people, after a time, the deep sadness will turn to acceptance and then to looking outward—possibly for help, solutions, or for exploring new possibilities.  This is the time of recalibration and adjustments to a “new normal” that is being established.

For others (those seemingly stuck in prolonged grief or those with chemical imbalances), outside help may be needed—perhaps in the form of medicine or professional counseling—or both.  For some, thoughts of hopelessness have turned into wishes for death to end the pain or thoughts of suicide. Regardless of others’ perception of the seriousness of threats or level of pain, when a person expresses thoughts of wanting to die, this is a time to get professional advice on the best next steps. Other warning signs, indicating an immediate need for professional help include a person having a specific plan for taking his/her life or any actions of self-harm.  Depending on the level of severity, different levels of professional care are available in our community, ranging from counseling, to different levels of outpatient care, or inpatient hospitalization until a person is stable. 

For those watching your loved one struggle with depression, you may have realized that this is too heavy a burden for you to carry alone.  Perhaps you are feeling like you are starting to slip into the quicksand with them, owning your loved one’s problems as your own and feeling his/her feelings as if they were your own.  In these cases, you may need help learning to set boundaries for yourself—boundaries on your time, what you talk about with your loved one, or how much to help. You may need to purposefully schedule time for self-care or learn coping skills of your own.  

At The Fountains Counseling Center, our counselors understand how heavy depression can feel for both of you.  We are ready to listen and help you figure out the next steps for you or for your loved one – whether it’s counseling, encouragement, or referrals for those who need a higher level of care.  This is truly the most powerful antidote for depression—knowing that you are not alone. 

Author

Jennifer Cranford, MA, LPC Associate
Supervised by J. Scott Floyd, Ph.D, LPC-S

Connecting With Your Teen

Adolescence is unlike any other time in a person’s life. It is a time of transition of moving away from childhood and toward becoming an adult. Developmentally, emotions and impulsiveness drive your teen’s behavior. The ability to use reason and logic are still developing which can be confusing and frustrating for parents and those who care for teenagers. Additionally, these changes are accompanied by the introduction of hormones which impact mood, motivation, and physical changes. This time can be challenging for both teens and parents.  

But adolescence can also be an exciting time. Teens are learning to be adults. By connecting with teens, parents and guardians can help them navigate these changes and develop into caring and successful adults. Making a meaningful connection with teens means stepping into their world and helping them develop healthy ways to resolve problems, relate to others, and cope with challenging and confusing feelings. 

There are many ways to connect with teens but here are 3 ways that can help parents and guardians get started toward building a deeper and more meaningful relationship. 

1. Show them they are a priority. 

Tell your teen how much they mean to you. Don’t assume they already know. Learn about the Love Languages https://5lovelanguages.com to discover what resonates with them and makes your teen feel loved. We invest in what we value so make time to spend with your teen. Spending time with someone shows them they are important and worthy of your time. 

2. Be empathetic and really listen to them.

Allow your teen to talk openly and suspend your feelings and opinions. Provide space for them to express who they are becoming and what is important to them. Find out about their interests and how they feel about their world. By doing this you are letting them know they are important to you. Also, remember the challenges and frustrations of being a teenager and show empathy for what your teen is experiencing now. Put yourself in their shoes.

3. Live a life that is consistent with what you are teaching your teen.

We have all heard the saying, “Actions speak louder than words.” This is especially true for teens. Model for your teen the way you want them to behave. Show them how to handle challenges, conflicts, and disappointments in healthy ways. Demonstrate how to be a good friend, spouse, and responsible person in the world. Again, what parents do can be more powerful that what is said.

Adolescence is a time when teens are learning how to become adults. By connecting with your teen, parents and guardians place themselves in the position to provide support, love, guidance, and encouragement. Making your teen a priority, allowing them to be understood, and providing them with a positive model will give your teen the skills to handle this challenging time and become responsible and confident adults. 

If you find yourself struggling to connect or any other challenges and feel you need assistance, we are here to help. Our licensed counselors at The Fountains Counseling Center are ready and willing to walk alongside you to help you reach your goals. 

Author

Jennifer Fletcher, M.Ed., LPC Associate

Supervised by R. Bartee, PhD, LPC-S, LMFT-S

Positive Thinking & A Better Quality of Life

            When bad things happen in my life, I tend to view them through the largest negative filter that I can find. When someone cuts me off in traffic, I become personally offended. When my boss gives me extra work with a short deadline, I believe that she doesn’t respect my time. When my teacher wants to set up a meeting with me, surely it is to tell me how poorly I am doing. You get the picture; I view situations negatively without considering any positivity.

            Living with this frame of mind is burdensome to myself and those around me. It robs me of joy and instills in me a victim mentality. Research shows that thinking positively promotes a better quality of life, decreases depression, and enhances psychological and physical well-being. 

            Positive thinking does not ignore the need for realistic appraisal. Rather, it acknowledges both the negative and positive aspects of situations and then favors movement toward a positive focus. The answer to shifting our thought process is rooted in cognitive behavioral therapy. There is a tool that helps shift our negative thinking to positive thinking. It is called the “ABC Model”. The “A” is for activating event. This is any situation that you view negatively. The “B” is for beliefs. This is what you personally believe about the situation that you view negatively. The “C” is for consequence. This is how you behave as a response to the situation that you view negatively.  

            It sounds complicated but allow me to demonstrate. Feel free to plug in your own personal examples and thought processes. 

1)    Activating Event: My boss gave me extra work with a short deadline. 

2)    Beliefs: My boss does not respect my time. She does not appreciate everything that I already do. 

3)    Consequence: I have a bad attitude and talk poorly about my boss to my coworkers.  

            What if we reframed the activating event and allowed ourselves to consider different beliefs about the situation? It could look something like this. Again, feel free to plug in your own personal examples and thought processes. 

1)    Activating Event: My boss gave me extra work with a short deadline. 

2)    Beliefs: My boss considers me reliable and a hard worker. She asks me to do demanding work because she trusts that I can deliver quality work on time. 

3)    Consequence: I have a sense of pride in my work. I respect my boss for viewing me with a high regard. I am motivated to work with my boss and not against her. 

By using the ABC Model, we shifted our negative thinking to positive thinking. When we take time to consider alternative beliefs about a situation, our reactive behavior changes for the better. This exercise may be difficult to do in a moment of overwhelming emotions, and that’s okay. You may need to let those emotions pass and then revisit the ABC Model. To begin, try using the ABC Model with small situations that you view negatively. Allow yourself to get comfortable with it and then try it with any situation, big or small.  

            If you find yourself struggling with this and feel that you need assistance, any of our licensed counselors at The Fountains Counseling Center are ready and willing to walk alongside you. We want you to have a better quality of life.  

 References: 

Bekhet, A. K., & Zauszniewski, J. A. (2013). Measuring Use of Positive Thinking Skills: Psychometric Testing of a New Scale. Western Journal of Nursing Research, 35(8), 1074–1093. https://doi.org/10.1177/0193945913482191

Boyraz, G., & Lightsey, O. R., Jr. (2012). Can positive thinking help? Positive automatic thoughts as moderators of the stress–meaning relationship. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 82(2), 267–277. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1939-0025.2012.01150.x

Author

Roxanne Kirk, M.A., LPC-Associate

Supervised by R. Bartee, PhD, LPC-S, LMFT-S

Conflict 101

Hi! I am a recovering conflict avoidant addict.

Honestly, if we were to ask 100 random individuals, I would suspect there would be a very high number that are like me, CONFLICT AVOIDANT. 

Many couples typically have one member of the marriage relationship who is more passionate in their pursuit of finding a safe connection. This means they would throw caution to the wind when it comes to thinking about conflict and whether they should avoid it or not. When I am speaking of conflict I am not speaking to the aggressive and toxic nature of hurting or punishing with words and behavior. That kind of dynamic absolutely needs to be avoided due to its destructive capabilities. 

Here are a few common topics of conflicts within a marriage relationship:

1.     Finances – Spending vs. saving, budgeting

2.     Intimacy – Frequency, individual desires

3.     Careers – Who is the bread winner, work life balance, too much vs. too little

4.     Kids – Expectations, discipline, stressors on the marriage

5.     Chores – Household responsibilities, gender role responsibilities, personal preferences

EVERY relationship will experience conflict on some level or another. This experience will not just be a one-time event. The truth is you can learn something about YOURSELF even in a conflict with a loved one. Conflict can teach you a lot about what you want to protect or preserve about your self. When conflict is present with you and your spouse, if you will stop, take a moment, ask yourself, “What am I truly feeling about this conflict/disagreement?” “What am I caring so much about to argue?” 

You can learn a lot about yourself and the primary emotion that is being challenged. It might be a sense of fear that you will be disrespected. It might be that you are afraid of being neglected. It might be that you are unsure of the future and that uncertainty is making you anxious. It is worth communicating with your spouse about this emotion. This communication will be the first step in discovering a more secure attachment; one that is emotionally safe and reassuring. 

So put away the boxing gloves of defensiveness and step away from the podium of debate. Instead, spend some time with your partner explaining what the conflict is revealing to you about what is out of balance. 

Author

Zach Lowrie, MA LPC

Where did that thought come from?

You’re driving down the road or doing the dishes and a thought pops into your head. You wonder, “Gee, that’s odd! I haven’t thought about that in a long time” or “Why can’t I let this thought go?”

Have you ever wondered what is happening? It’s your brain remembering the past. It’s beneficial when we are remembering things like how to tie our shoes, drive a car, or even write our name. But what if the thoughts are unpleasant? What if the thoughts from your past are of someone who hurt you, an unexpected death, or a recollection of war, and you don’t want to think about them? Your brain doesn’t seem to get the message and the thoughts continue to come back at any given time. 

When this happens, your brain is trying to heal.  It’s letting you know that something is “stuck”. If we can recognize that this is happening, then we can consider a way to heal. God created our brains to heal, and this happens when we sleep. Our brains sort out the day by communicating back and forth from the left side to the right side as we sleep. 

Several years ago, a technique was discovered which imitates our brain-sleep pattern. Eye Movement and Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a counseling method where the client engages both sides of their brain as they consider a particular distressing thought. 

It may sound a little complicated, but EMDR is a way to focus on the troubling thought and give the brain a safe place to heal. 

EMDR is a safe method. It is approved by the American Psychological Association and the Department of Defense recommends it for veterans with Post Traumatic Stress disorder. This method has been used for many years and is helpful in relieving distressing thoughts.

At The Fountains Counseling Center, we are very gentle with clients. During EMDR, you’re awake and in complete control.  You can stop, start, cry, or have any emotion without judgement. You’re not alone, the counselor is right there with you as you go through the process together. 

If you are needing assistance processing a thought or if you feel stuck and would like to explore some options to heal from past hurts, please consider contacting us. We are here to walk alongside you during this time. 

Author

Barbara Stanley, MA, LPC Associate

Supervised by Brenda Turner, LPC-S

Being Self-Compassionate

Are you self-compassionate or self-critical?

In my world, thoughts like, “You should have done that better”, “How could you have done that so poorly” and “You are never going to be good enough” make cameo appearances on any given day and at any given moment. I wonder if similar thoughts haunt you too?

 We like to take pride in being a good friend, parent or spouse – but at the end of the day, we fall short at being good to ourselves. We may be a good friend that offers a non-judgmental listening ear. We may be a good parent that is supportive of our kids. We may be a good, encouraging spouse. All of those things are wonderful; yet, at the end of day – how much of that kind and compassionate treatment are we giving to ourselves?

 If we took an honest inventory on how we care for and respond to those we love when they fall short, versus how we care for and respond to ourselves when we fall short – my guess is that it looks different. For example, when a spouse misses an important deadline at work versus when we miss an important deadline at work. Or when a friend isn’t losing the weight that he or she wants to, versus when we aren’t losing the weight that we want to. 

The truth is this. You are just as important, lovable and valuable as the people that you care about. You are worth being cared for, not only by others, but by yourself as well. You can choose to be kind to yourself in the same way that you choose to be kind to others. Let’s start here, together. 

Four steps to practicing self-compassion: 

1. Identify and write down the negative self-talk that you tell yourself when you fall short. These will likely be short, pointed sentences. 

2. Close your eyes and imagine someone that you love falling short in the same way. Write down the encouraging statement that you would tell them. 

3. Take some time processing the differences. 

4. Allow yourself to tell yourself the same compassionate and encouraging statements that you would tell a loved one. 

Here at The Fountains Counseling Center, we would enjoy the oppurtinity to explore with you and identify some reasons you might lean toward self-criticism. We would love to hear your story and walk beside you on this journey towards healing and wholeness. 

Adapted from The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Neff/Germer 

To book a session Click Here or call 682-207-4824.

Author

Roxanne Kirk, M.A., LPC-Associate

Supervised by R. Bartee, PhD, LPC-S, LMFT-S

Calm and Relaxed

I have a problem, well, I know that you have a problem too. If you are an average individual, you are like other individuals these days and you have the same issues. According to this article we don’t know how to relax very well.

I don’t need to read an article written by other people to let me know that. A couple of months ago I planned a particular week perfectly and it would end on a Saturday doing what I like to do most Saturday’s, wake up before everyone else and go run my long runs around my town. That is of course unless Liverpool isn’t playing the early time slot which I don’t want to miss. 

Like many other times before, I had something come up Friday evening before and I wasn’t able to rise and shine as early as I wanted to take advantage of my refreshing morning run. I slept in, I know, I know, TERRIBLE! I woke later only to be grumpy and irritable with my kids, wife, and myself. All day long I was so agitated that I didn’t do what I like to do to refresh myself. I then was caught in a terrible inner dialogue about why I can’t relax, refresh, or participate in what is important to me. I started getting worked up and that’s when calming down was difficult.  

It is hard to stay calm during these moments when the train starts rollin’ and the adrenaline is goin’, even when the tension is over something like trying to relax. According to Psychology Today, calm is both psychological and physiological. The dividing line will vary from person to person, but somewhere between the two, a new balance can be calibrated. Devoting attention to finding calm is essential. When the nervous system is released from the defensive mode, inner resources are able to be deployed to engage in repair, recovery, imagination, and exploration…all vital elements of well-being. Here are some suggestions:

Stay Calm When Everything Goes Wrong

• Don’t jump to conclusions before you have all the information. In other words, do NOT panic prematurely. 

• Distinguish between a bump in the road and the end of the road. You might experience detours that are stressful in that moment of your journey towards your goals, but don’t let them prevent you from the long-term success. 

• Ask yourself what you need to learn, if anything. Sometimes there are takeaways from a bad experience, embrace these learning moments. Sometimes there isn’t…move along.

• Consider a debrief. Venting endlessly about something that has gone wrong is unlikely going to help you, but a brief voicing of a complaint can sometimes be psychologically beneficial. 

It might surprise you as well to find that out of the 190 most populated cities California has 4 in the top 10 according to this article of the most relaxed cities. You can find out how they measured that in the article. Frisco TX makes it on the list at #19. 

Relaxing can be hard but staying calm can be practiced every day. What do you like to do to relax or refresh?

Author

Zach Lowrie, MA LPC