Winter Blues or Depression? In this blog one of our counselors goes into detail for those that may be struggling with or know someone that is dealing with.

For many, it is common to experience a sense of the “Winter blues” after the letdown of the holidays as the gray skies of January and February settle in. But for others, a sense of heaviness and darkness may be a more pervasive cloud that doesn’t lift. For those whose personalities more easily bounce back from sadness, this can be a very confusing dynamic to understand.

Depression has several variations from a diagnostic perspective, but some elements are the same—a sense of prolonged hopelessness, lack of purpose, a feeling of being trapped, isolation, lack of energy, and lack of interest in things that usually bring a person pleasure. Simply put, depression is a black hole that sucks life out of the soul. It has a gravity of its own that threatens to pull not only the person with depression into its abyss, but those around it as well.

As frightening as this sounds, the answer to helping those with depression is counterintuitive. You don’t fight it. Depression is a natural, biological response to grief—what was important and valuable has been lost. But contrary to what many may think, it is not always as a result of loss of a loved one, but often loss of something much less observable—maybe a dream, a role or identity, a season of life, a community/culture, or even a lifestyle. Depression, like other emotions, has a purpose. Its job is to give a person time and space to honor the wound left behind by the loss and allow for reflection and “recalibration”.

It's tempting to want to rush this grieving process, but if you’ve ever tried to “make” someone feel better prematurely, it’s like trying to pull someone out of quicksand. The more you tug and pull, the deeper the person seems to sink.

So what does tugging or pulling look like? Telling a person that he/she “shouldn’t feel depressed because….” (thus minimizing the pain), using phrases like “at least you didn’t…” (also minimizing), giving unwanted/premature advice about how to feel better, telling a person that “it’s time to stop feeling sad”, or even telling someone it’s not spiritual to be depressed and to “just trust God” are all unhelpful responses. (On a side note, one of the greatest prophets in the Bible, Elijah, struggled with depression!)

So what can you do for your loved one? Be physically present. Listen. Offer a hug if wanted. Give a thoughtful gift. Send a funny meme. In short, be there. Communicate in some way that you are sorry that your loved one is hurting and that you are there if he/she wants to talk.

For many people, after a time, the deep sadness will turn to acceptance and then to looking outward—possibly for help, solutions, or for exploring new possibilities. This is the time of recalibration and adjustments to a “new normal” that is being established.

For others (those seemingly stuck in prolonged grief or those with chemical imbalances), outside help may be needed—perhaps in the form of medicine or professional counseling—or both. For some, thoughts of hopelessness have turned into wishes for death to end the pain or thoughts of suicide. Regardless of others’ perception of the seriousness of threats or level of pain, when a person expresses thoughts of wanting to die, this is a time to get professional advice on the best next steps. Other warning signs, indicating an immediate need for professional help include a person having a specific plan for taking his/her life or any actions of self-harm. Depending on the level of severity, different levels of professional care are available in our community, ranging from counseling, to different levels of outpatient care, or inpatient hospitalization until a person is stable.

For those watching your loved one struggle with depression, you may have realized that this is too heavy a burden for you to carry alone. Perhaps you are feeling like you are starting to slip into the quicksand with them, owning your loved one’s problems as your own and feeling his/her feelings as if they were your own. In these cases, you may need help learning to set boundaries for yourself—boundaries on your time, what you talk about with your loved one, or how much to help. You may need to purposefully schedule time for self-care or learn coping skills of your own.

At The Fountains Counseling Center, our counselors understand how heavy depression can feel for both of you. We are ready to listen and help you figure out the next steps for you or for your loved one – whether it’s counseling, encouragement, or referrals for those who need a higher level of care. This is truly the most powerful antidote for depression—knowing that you are not alone.