There is a particular entrance on a highway near me that I avoid like the plague. Due to construction, and high congestion in this area, there is a very short ramp before a cement wall forces a driver to merge with traffic, ready or not. Once merged, the driver is funneled with many other drivers at high speed to weave between construction barrels on a path that is unclear, given the changing stripe patterns. Depending on the time of day and angle of the sun, the drive can be even more treacherous. There is no margin for error.

Our American schedules can feel a lot like that construction entrance. We are hemmed in by school calendars, work hours, kids’ extracurricular events, and unexpected crises like plumbing emergencies or funerals, and we have very little time left that is “unspoken for”.

It is no wonder that we find ourselves short-tempered and edgy when we feel we have so little control over our lives—especially when dealing with last minute changes, unexpected loss, or trauma.

I had a period of about two weeks recently that felt like this construction entrance, due to some factors out of my control. It was no surprise that I began to experience some physical and emotional symptoms of exhaustion. As a new week was about to begin, I got ready to buckle down to make it until the next weekend, when I realized I had a choice. I intentionally scheduled one afternoon for the express purpose of recovery—physically, emotionally, and mentally. I went alone to a restaurant with a porch on a beautiful spring day to enjoy some of my favorite food. As I ate, I allowed myself to process the events of the week and name the emotions I had felt that week. I was surprised to realize how deeply my emotions ran as I gave myself the space to think and reflect. I went home for a nap and then went for a hike to let my mind continue to wander. I felt amazingly refreshed after that afternoon, when hours before I had felt so tightly wound.

How could a mere five hours make that big of a difference in my mental and physical state? I think the key was not what I did, but that I created a MARGIN in my schedule that week— a space of Quiet to pause and reflect.

Each of us have different activities that feed the soul and likely your afternoon would be much different than mine.

As summer arrives, this conversation is especially timely. What do you (and even your children/teens!) need for margin to process the events and emotions of the past several weeks or months? Before you fill up every block on your summer calendar, CHOOSE to schedule margin between key events to allow you and your children to “buffer”. Avoid filling it with electronics and “goal-driven activities”. Create true downtime, and quiet time for your mind to wander.

In case this sounds intimidating, here are some ideas to get you started: watercolor paint, journal, work in the flowerbeds/garden, ride a bike or go for a walk, take a bubble bath, swing in a hammock, go hit golf balls, go fishing, sculpt something out of sand…

Or on a smaller scale, consider using your commute from/to work or school as buffering time for your mind. Turn off your car radio and silence your phone and allow your mind simply to wander as you gently transition into the next phase of your day/evening.

For some who read this, this call to rest sounds like a blessed invitation. For others, this idea of rest makes sense, but it also evokes fear— But what will happen if I slow down? Perhaps busyness and urgency as a way of life has defined you and the sense of being needed has become your identity. Or perhaps the idea of quiet feels threatening because you are accustomed to the chaos and fear what you may find. If any of this describes you, please consider that you may need the help of a counselor to explore your fears or identity, and to support you as you learn to “buffer” and create a new healthy rhythm of life.

God has created your body and mind to heal itself with rest. (Think of Psalm 23, or the Sabbath.) Just like a video or song on your phone sometimes needs to buffer, so do you. What if you gave in to the call to rest?

If you find yourself struggling with this and feel that you need assistance, any of our licensed counselors at The Fountains Counseling Center are ready and willing to walk alongside you as you work toward this goal.

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